Settling is a Way of the Past

For years I chose to hide.  Hide behind myself.  Hide from the world.  I wanted to run as far from my past as possible.  Little did I realize, your past cannot be run from because it is carried with you.  The only way to be free of our pasts is to confront it face on, accept it as it was, and let it go in order to move forward.   Moving forward can only be done when this happens.  Confrontation being the worst part of it all.  In this process I have learned a lot about myself.  I have learned for years I have settled with being unhappy with people.  I choose to stay with people out of pity, guilt or loneliness.  Also, chose to stay with my son's father, saying it was for Eli.  But what is best for Eli is mama being happy, not settling for less than we both deserve.  As I look back on my life I see constant settling for being miserable. And I no longer will feed into this habit.  I will not settle for anything less than butterflies, anything short of amazing, and I not only do this for Eli but for myself.  I am now at a point in my life where I am not giving into the lonliness, the need to be wanted and loved.  I am going to keep on keeping on, being honest on the path I am on, with other's and with myself...  And somewhere along the line I will find the man of my dreams.  I am in no rush to do so.  I am on a road that I can only travel alone, conftronting, accepting, embracing, and letting go of all that has haunted me.  I am no longer running from myself and my past, but hitting it straight on.  This may be a hard time in my life but I know this is the only way to happiness.   Accept me as I am or move right along....